Once More, Again, With Feeling
by DramaticalCat
Summary: A rewrite of Once More With Feeling, and Angel/BtVS crossover, really. Read, I think it's kinda funny. It's sort of a parody.
1. Part One

Title: Once More, Again, With Feeling (The 'Angel' version)  
  
Author: DC - devils_symphony@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: All song concepts and tunes and the entire concept itself is all Joss Whedon and whoever helped him (Chris something, whatever). All Angel and BtVS characters are his, I'm just borrowing them for a little while. I'm just playing, so don't sue me. The only thing I *do* own are the revamped lyrics.  
  
Background Info: It's the Angel version of Once More With feeling, musical ep in Season Six BtVS. I'm using the same songs with different lyrics of mine, with almost the same concept. It's also a crossover between BtVS and Angel, KK?  
  
Rating: It has bad words and soft-ish core sex scenes, so, I dunno, Mature Audiences Only?  
  
Pairings: Um, don't read these if you don't want to know them, but here they are. Gunn/Fred, Buffy/Angel (sort of), Spike/Lila, Wesley/Cordelia, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara  
  
Spoilers: Erm, after season two Angel I guess. Fred and Gunn are a couple, Wesley's angsting over it (he's over Fred by now, but he's a middle-aged may-as-well-be-unsexed man, so, yeah), Connor doesn't exist, erm (plot holes galore, I know, just shut up and keep reading)...dunno where in Buffy. Just make stuff up. You'd assume that it's sort of in the middle of their musical. And that Tara would know that Willow pulled magickal rank on her, and that Buffy and Spike are all at odds with each other and Anya and Xander know each other's doubts about marriage...so...that means what? *thinks real hard* *gives up* Screw it, I can't be bothered dealing with BtVS issues as well as 'Angel' crap. Let's just go with the 'Angel' crap, and ignore the BtVS issues. KK?  
  
WARNING: I wrote this when I was Not Doing Homework and listening to the BtVS musical at the same time. Bad combination, BAD. So, yeah. Just warning you. It's sort of a spoof, I dunno, let's see where my imagination takes me, okay? Probably a bad, dark, scary, smutty, course language-y type of place, so, yes. Welcome to my mind. If the characters seem a little sex-oriented, you'll know why. I mean c'mon, they're meant to be singing what's on their mind, what else would it be? NO ONE on the Angel cast is getting any.   
  
Distribution: Tell me where your posting it and all's good as gold, as they say in Kiwi Land (Australian foreigner - me - is afraid, very afraid). So, yeah, just as long as I get the credit...and Joss, I guess, but I guess that if you're smart you'd already have disclaimers and...yes. Shutting up.  
  
Author's Note: (I'll never shut up, so ha) There are some scenes that are almost identical to the original musical, but other scenes that weren't there at all. Some characters may be OOC, but remember, this is an "almost spoof", where it seems like it could actually be a relatively serious comedy fic, but don't let that fool you. So OOC's are bound to happen. So, um, without further confusion...let the musical begin.  
  
---  
  
Hyperion, Angel's apartment (montage of other scenes), nighttime  
  
[Overture plays. Angel's bedroom. ONCE MORE, AGAIN, WITH FEELING shows up against beige walls, and the shot goes down to see Angel waking up (shirtless, heh-heh), looking at the clock shining 8 p.m.. He lies back down and looks rather forlornly at the ceiling. Shot of stairs, Angel (dressed, dammit) walks down, opposite Gunn and Fred, holding hands and looking at each other all friendly like with big smiles and batting of eyelashes on Fred's part. Angel looks broody and continues his way to the weapons cabinet. Cordelia, who we see was just talking to Wesley, gets up and walks over to Angel. He glares at the two sullenly and looks away. The camera swings back and we see that whatever Cordelia requested, Angel had said no, as she looks annoyed as he shakes his head. Rolling her eyes, she goes back to join Wesley. Gunn and Fred go over to join them, still holding hands in a clichéd American sweetheart kind of way. Angel looks even more broody as he grabs his Favourite Broadsword and heads out, apparently off to kill this week's demon.]  
  
Dark street, later  
  
[Shot of a dark street that's pretty much empty except Angel walking down it and a few hobos. The whimsical, musical-y music does not suit the scene at all.]  
  
ANGEL: [singing - in tune, this time] Dark streets of LA,  
  
The place is quiet,  
  
Except for when I find the fray.  
  
And every single night,  
  
I cannot save it,  
  
Something's never right,  
  
No matter how much I fight.   
  
[He sees a young woman being chased by what looks like a vampire, her scream piercing through the music. Looking bored, Angel starts to chase]  
  
ANGEL: I'll never control,  
  
The Power's hold,  
  
Fighting evil still untold.  
  
[He catches up and grabs the vamp's arm, throwing him against the wall, turning away to sing towards the camera]  
  
ANGEL: And I've been going through the motions.  
  
Fighting man to man. [Vamp tries to sneak up]  
  
Doing what I do the best I [chops vamp's head off] can.  
  
Deprived of woman's touch,  
  
Lean legs around me.  
  
No one to "console" all night.  
  
Shouldn't have crawled outta my grave,  
  
I find the cause just,  
  
Isn't worth that fight.  
  
SAVED WOMAN: I think you're doing all right.  
  
ANGEL: Thanks for the insight.  
  
[A pack of vampires close in and the woman screams, staying close to Angel. They circle Angel, who looks wary]  
  
VAMPS: He can't control,  
  
Having a soul.  
  
And he has to pay the toll.  
  
And he's just going through the motions...  
  
[Angel easily slays them one by one]  
  
LAST VAMP: Tryna' go without somehow.  
  
He's not even half the man he [Angel stabs him] Ow... [head chopped off, dusted]  
  
ANGEL: [looking at the camera] Will I stay this way forever?  
  
Sexless soul-searching endeavor?  
  
SAVED WOMAN: [suggestively, in the background] How can I repay-?  
  
ANGEL: Don't bother. [walks away]  
  
Looks like I will always be...  
  
Going through the motions.  
  
Helping humanity survive. [Walks into the middle of the street]  
  
Is this really me?  
  
Could I ever be free?  
  
I wish that I could be...[arms wide, brandishing sword skyward]  
  
Alive.  
  
[Bird's eye view shot, zooming away, vamp dust swirling around him in the wind]  
  
Hyperion, even later that night  
  
[Angel walks in through the doors, sword slung over his shoulder. Cordelia, Gunn and Fred are all talking around the counter, and they look up. Wesley walks out of his office, holding a notepad and a heavy book in his arms, a pencil clamped between his teeth.]  
  
CORDELIA: Where were you?  
  
ANGEL: Walking, saving the day for some woman, wiping out a vamp nest. The usual. [Cordelia nods and goes back to the conversation. Looking a tad uneasy, Angel walks over to the weapons cabinet and places his sword in. After hesitation, he looks over at Wesley.] How's the translations coming along?  
  
WESLEY: [puts books and pad onto the counter and the pencil out of his mouth] Better, I'm making a little progress.  
  
ANGEL: Really? [eager] What's it say?  
  
WESLEY: Something about oranges. Or possibly tea. I can't get that part. [Withers a little under Angel's withering look] I didn't say a LOT of progress, I said a little bit.  
  
ANGEL: Fine. [Long pause, and Gunn, Fred and Cordelia are silent] So, nothing else has happened? No demon, no visions? [Both Cordelia and Wesley shake their heads, looking confused] Good, good. [Another pause] Did anyone, by any chance, tonight or, y'know, some other time...burst into song?  
  
GUNN: Oh, thank you Lord.  
  
FRED: We thought it was just us! [Everyone starts talking at once]  
  
CORDELIA: I was at my apartment and I was doing the laundry and I started singing about this wine stain in my skirt.   
  
GUNN: We were walking on our way back from breakfast and then I just started with the serenading.  
  
FRED: And there were back up singers from nowhere and a guitar and I started singing too.  
  
CORDELIA: And the stain didn't come off, but anyway, it was cool because I was in tune and there was a blues-y cello and sax.   
  
WESLEY: Good Lord, that's why I found myself dancing ballet in my living room. [They stop overlapping]  
  
GUNN: It was a little too freaky for me.  
  
CORDELIA: Any idea what it was?  
  
WESLEY: Angel, what did you sing about?  
  
ANGEL: [deer-caught-in-the-headlights look] Oh, nothing special. But it seemed completely natural at the time.   
  
GUNN: Well, we should get right on it, break it down, because I for one-  
  
WESLEY: [starts singing] I've got a theory,  
  
That it's a demon.  
  
A Rob Guest type demon.  
  
No, something isn't right there.   
  
CORDELIA: I've gotta theory,  
  
That I am dreamin',  
  
And I've become some sort of,  
  
Famous Broadway headliner.   
  
FRED: I've gotta a theory,  
  
We should work this out.  
  
ALL: It's getting freaky,  
  
What's this geeky soundtrack all about?  
  
GUNN: It could be vampires, tune deaf vampires!  
  
[Withering under Angel's glare]  
  
Which is irrational,  
  
Because vampires, they aren't the singing type,  
  
Blood bathes and graphic violence,  
  
And village razing and burning stuff,  
  
And I'll be over here.   
  
CORDELIA: I've got a theory,  
  
It could be highschool geeks!  
  
[All stare]  
  
FRED: I've gotta-  
  
[Suddenly the lights dim down except for a spot light on Cordy, and a rock soundtrack kicks up, accompanied by smoke machines and strobe lights and sparks]  
  
CORDELIA: Geeks aren't just harmless like everyone supposes!  
  
They got them thick glasses and acne ridden noses!  
  
And what's with all the dictionaries?  
  
Why can't they look up the words 'fashion' and 'coolness' anyway?  
  
Highschool geeks, it must be highschool geeks!  
  
[Normal lighting, music, etc. All stare]  
  
CORDELIA: Or maybe gothics?  
  
WESLEY: I've got a theory we should work this fast.  
  
WESLEY & GUNN: Because eventually Angel will sing and we will not last.  
  
ANGEL: I've gotta a theory, that's it's the lawyers.   
  
[Everyone relaxes when they find he's in tune.]  
  
ANGEL: What won't they do if they are paid?  
  
We'll have to fight at the end of the day.  
  
Wolfram and Hart will do what they can,  
  
To ruin my life, any way any plan.  
  
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?  
  
It's about time that Lila gets laid.  
  
She'll get off our backs, if she gets a good screw.  
  
ALL BUT WESLEY: As a matter of fact, Wesley should get some too.   
  
[Wesley looks a little offended]  
  
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?  
  
We'll have some cuss words and bloody blows to trade.  
  
And hey, we'll also get paid.  
  
CORDELIA: Hundreds only, please.  
  
[They all look a little uneasy as music fades]  
  
GUNN: Now that was disturbing.  
  
FRED: I think it was kinda neat.  
  
CORDELIA: In that disturbing sort of way, yeah.  
  
WESLEY: Do we know if it's just us? If that were the case, it would obviously be a spell of some kind... [He trails off as Angel walks to the door and pulls it open, looking out. There's a group of geeky looking sci-fi nerds outside, in front of the cinema, each dressed in something to do with 'Star Wars'. The lead singer, dressed as Darth Vadar, leads them]  
  
DARTH GEEK: [singing] Attack of the Clones came out!  
  
SCI-FI BACKUP NERDS: Attack of the Clones came out! [huge boom-boom fanfare type ending finishes them and Angel closes the door]  
  
ANGEL: It's not just us. Okay, so Wes should check out the books and-  
  
WESLEY: I thought you said that it was Wolfram and Hart.  
  
ANGEL: That's one of many possibilities. Besides, this isn't exactly their style.  
  
Later that night  
  
[All are hunched over books when Lorne bursts in, look distraught, cravats and orange-ness and frills aplenty.]  
  
LORNE: You'll never guess what's happened!  
  
CORDELIA: Everyone started singing and dancing?  
  
LORNE: Well, yes, but because of it, no one's coming to me! They're just singing their hearts out and they don't need me to help them anymore because they're already saying all the stuff and working out their own problems, the independent morons. Huh, most can't even sing, even if they *are* under a spell.   
  
FRED: [giggles as Gunn whispers something in her ear]   
  
GUNN: Hey, erm, wouldn't it be better if we hit the streets a little?  
  
WESLEY: I agree. Why don't you and Angel-?  
  
FRED: Oh no, Gunn and I will be fine, trust us. [Gunn's hand disappears and her pupils contract a little]  
  
WESLEY: [looks at them darkly, glances at Cordelia, and goes back to book-hunching]  
  
GUNN: Yup, no problem here.  
  
FRED: Bye! [They quickly leave, and the rest stare after them, all looking slightly annoyed and all too knowing]  
  
Cut to a dark street of LA  
  
[Gunn and Fred walk along the pavement, holding hands]  
  
GUNN: Man, I thought we'd never get out of there.   
  
FRED: I know, it gets so stuffy in that really big foyer. But I feel bad. Shouldn't we be working?  
  
GUNN: Nah, I think we're all overreacting. A bit of singing won't hurt anyone. It's disturbing, but not lethal.  
  
FRED: True, and we *are* scouting the streets. [They walk past three prostitutes, falling silent as all three scantily clad women check Gunn out] And I think they're scouting *you*.  
  
GUNN: Really? [Twists his head around to look] I have some loose change, maybe I'll...  
  
FRED: No! [They both laugh as she grabs his hand and pulls him along a bit faster] I don't know if I could fight all three, maybe the little blonde one in the seat-belt width skirt...  
  
GUNN: Don't know what they'd want with a guy like me.  
  
FRED: [smiles a little mischievously] I can see exactly what they want.  
  
[Soft guitar and piano music wells up]  
  
FRED: [singing] Five years of rock-cave living,  
  
Never knowing a human touch.  
  
Never did see what's so thrilling,  
  
It didn't seem like so much.  
  
And now I've got the chance  
  
To horizontally dance.  
  
I'm under your thrall.  
  
How else could it be,  
  
That anyone would notice me?  
  
You help me not to fall,  
  
Levitating me,  
  
Out of constant chastity.   
  
[She links arms with him, a finger hooked in his belt]  
  
FRED: I saw the world as dismal,   
  
Alone and unprepared.  
  
But then you saved me from it all,   
  
And then I wasn't scared.   
  
You showed me this new world.  
  
And then my lust unfurled.  
  
[She runs out onto the car-less road, the three prostitutes dancing behind her, not even remotely subtly symbolizing what she'd like]  
  
FRED: I'm under your thrall.  
  
Always knowing what to do,  
  
You'll never break my heart in two.  
  
Just like Satan's goal,  
  
His dream and mine came true,  
  
That I could give my soul to you.  
  
You made me believe.  
  
[Gunn picks up Fred and twirls her, as the scene around them dissolves and they appear to be in a bedroom, apparently Gunn's. He places her down on the bed gently. She lies down, Gunn over her, hands on the mattress on either side of her head.]  
  
FRED: Charles, you had me freed.  
  
And now I'd like to feed.  
  
[She suddenly flips them over so she's on top. You only see the top half of her body, and Gunn's hands on her waist. She starts moving up and down suggestively, skirt apparently splayed]  
  
FRED: I'm under your thrall.  
  
As caressing as the sea,  
  
Plunging in so helplessly.  
  
Our lust will conquer all.  
  
Take away from me,  
  
This cowardly virginity.  
  
You make me complete.  
  
[Profile close up, her head thrown back]  
  
FRED: You make me complete.  
  
You make me complete.  
  
You make me c-  
  
Hyperion  
  
CORDELIA: Five bucks says they're not even working.  
  
WESLEY: [sternly] Cordelia.  
  
LORNE: No I agree. I'll bet they're... [Wesley gestures towards Angel with a pencil, looking a little frantic] Singing. They're probably singing right now.  
  
ANGEL: Oh, yeah, that's right, protect the sex-deprived vampire.  
  
CORDELIA: Okay, fine, we'll just blurt out that our very own chaste-kisses-and-hugs couple are probably humping away like a pair of bunnies in heat.  
  
WESLEY: [glowers] They're meant to be working as well. But then again, why wouldn't they take this sing-your-truthful-heart-out phenomenon as an excuse to explore their own sexual capabilities? [Short pause as everyone reflects that the very sexy version of Wesley of Angel, Season 3, just said 'sexual capabilities' - slight eye glazing and drooling for all]  
  
LORNE: Oh, chin up honeys! I think it's rather romantic.  
  
WESLEY: Not it isn't.  
  
LORNE: Sure it is! Singing, dancing, love making, what could be so evil about that?  
  
Dark alley way  
  
[The three prostitutes we saw before are all dancing, obviously unable to stop, one spinning around too fast, the other two behind her, tapping furiously, stiletto heels loud and gun-shot like. As the jazzy rock beat kicks up faster and faster, they all start to smoke and burst into flame. The music is cut off abruptly and the camera pans back to see the profile of Sweet.]  
  
SWEET: Now that's entertainment. [He looks to the side and down] You agree, sugar?   
  
[We see Dawn, bound and gagged, siting against the alley wall, looking up at him angrily. Fade to black.]  
  
Hyperion, twilight the next day, almost sunset  
  
[Angel is apparently upstairs and sleeping, Wesley is reading a book titled 'Magical Phenomenon', and as the camera swings 'round, we can see he's actually reading a Ralph magazine inside the thick, moth-eaten book. He slams the book shut (FWAP!) and glares at the camera, before opening the book to a different page. Fred and Gunn are staring at each other in an annoyingly gooey way, and Cordelia and Lorne are talking quietly. Suddenly, the door slams open and a figure with a blanket over his head. The smoking blanket is thrown down, and we see Spike, stamping out the start of a few flames. Cordelia shrieks with recognition, and rushing towards the weapons cabinet, and Spike just looks at her with boredom. She takes out a crossbow and points it at him]  
  
CORDELIA: I don't care if Willow says you're chipped, you move, and I'll fire, and don't give me that 'you'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow' crap.  
  
[Spike says nothing and calmly smoothes out his trench coat, looking around. The rest all stare at Cordelia, obviously not knowing who Spike is. Through the open door, Buffy walks in, followed by Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and Giles. Cordelia lowers the crossbow. Wesley stands up]  
  
WESLEY: What a pleasant surprise.  
  
GILES: [looks at him with something a few tones below arrogance] Wesley.  
  
WESLEY: Not that I don't enjoy your company, Mr. Giles, what are you doing here?  
  
BUFFY: You guys haven't been bursting into song lately, have you? [All of the Angel Investigations team share glances] Figured.   
  
GUNN: Not to cut in on an obvious reunion of some kind, but can someone explain what's going on? Who are you people?  
  
BUFFY: I'm Buffy. The Slayer.  
  
GUNN: Oh, I heard a' you. You're Angel's... [trails off under Wesley and Cordelia's pointed looks] Ahem. I'm Gunn, this is Fred. Y'all obviously know Wes and Cor.   
  
WESLEY: Not everyone. [He looks pointedly at Spike, who looks pointedly back]  
  
CORDELIA: Oh, that's Spike, remember? The one who's ass is always kicked by Buffy and Angel?  
  
SPIKE: I've been given worse titles. [Glares] And Peaches doesn't kick my arse, thank you. Forgetting who was chained to the ceiling two summers back, are we?  
  
XANDER: Well, as long as we're all off to a sunny start...[he turns to Gunn and Fred, obviously ignoring Spike and Cordelia] Hi, I'm Xander, this is Anya, Willow, Tara, Giles and you all know our resident Slayer, the Buffster. Pleased to make your acquaintance, yadda-yadda-yadda, now help us find Buffy's kidnapped sister.   
  
WESLEY: Dawn's been kidnapped? By whom?  
  
BUFFY: The Big Bad that's making us all sing and dance.   
  
WESLEY: [putting the moth-eaten book aside] Tell me more.  
  
SPIKE: Be careful now, we don't want to have a Grease tribute.   
  
GILES: We don't know too much about the demon, just that he has Dawn and seems to make people sing depending on what town he is in.  
  
GUNN: Meaning he's in LA.   
  
ANGEL (O.S.): Who's in LA? [Everyone looks up to see Angel coming down the stairs. He pauses when he notices Buffy and Co.] Buffy. What's happened?  
  
CORDELIA: Musical-obsessed demon's got Dawnie.   
  
ANGEL: Uh. [He and Buffy lock eyes for a moment, before Angel observes the rest of the crew. Notices Spike and teeth clench] Oh, Spike.   
  
SPIKE: Angel. [Very tense silence as the two vampire's glare at each other, Angel stepping off the stairwell and into the foyer]  
  
BUFFY: Putting wounded male egos aside for now, my sister's missing. Focus.  
  
WESLEY: I agree. It'll be hard enough to concentrate when I full scale musical is occurring, we don't need you two leaping at each other's throats every time you make eye contact.  
  
GILES: Wesley is right, we really should-  
  
GUNN: Maybe we should set up a fighting ring and let 'em battle it out.  
  
WILLOW: [quirky smile] Ding-ding, round two, Angel the Souled Vampire versus William the Bloody.   
  
SPIKE: Ooh, can we?  
  
CORDELIA: No way, I just finished getting blood stains out of the carpeting without these two going all out. Put 'em in the janitor's closet for a while and lock the door.   
  
GUNN: William the Bloody? What's that, self-titling?  
  
SPIKE: No, it was given. The Bloody-comma-William. Look it up.   
  
BUFFY: [murmuring] I knew we shouldn't have come here.  
  
WESLEY: [snapping] Quieten down! [Everyone who was talking...isn't anymore. Buffy and all thoughs who knew the clean-cut, annoying, tweedy, Sunnydale BtVS Season 3 version of him look at the ex-Watcher in surprise] Now, maybe we could get on with this. Do we know where the demon would-  
  
((A/N: (there had to be one) The next song's to the tune of 'I've Got a Theory' - in fact, it's a reprise. Pretty much the same, only...yeah...carry on.))  
  
BUFFY: [singing] I've got a theory,  
  
That this villain,   
  
This "dancing demon",  
  
Could be holding Dawn for ransom.  
  
SPIKE: I've got a theory,  
  
We should be killin',  
  
'Stead of standing 'round   
  
Idly looking handsome. [All roll their eyes]  
  
GUNN: I've got a theory  
  
We should break this down.  
  
ALL: 'Stead of floundering  
  
By walking street to street in this vast town.  
  
CORDELIA: It could be agents! Evil talent agents!  
  
[All stare]  
  
Which is ridiculous,  
  
'Cause we already know that it's a demon,  
  
You never know, gotta keep on dreamin',  
  
Headlines show 'Cordelia Chase'  
  
And I'll be over here.  
  
ANYA: I've got a theory, the demon wants bunnies!  
  
XANDER: [spoken] Don't even, Ahn. [We skip the rock and roll number]  
  
TARA: I've got a theory  
  
We should find Dawn fast.  
  
Stage fright's catching up  
  
I sure do hope that this song doesn't last. [Hides behind Willow]  
  
[Song ends rather abruptly, to the relief of everyone]  
  
SPIKE: Right, well, we achieved nil from that. I'm out of here before we start leaping about like rabid gazelles - don't fancy an instrumental dance piece, thank you very much. [Looks at Buffy] I'll find her. [He leaves - at some point during the song night had fallen]  
  
CORDELIA: Cocky, isn't he?  
  
XANDER: Lovesick would be a better description.  
  
ANGEL: Or just plain sick. Why did you bring him?  
  
BUFFY: He's useful, okay? Just go with it and try and ignore him.   
  
WESLEY: We should scout out demon bars, and at least try and search the streets, see if anyone knows about him.   
  
GILES: Is there anyone in LA that would like to capture Buffy?  
  
ANGEL: I can think of one. I'll go and see-  
  
BUFFY: I'll come with you. [Moment of silence, Cordelia shoots Buffy a dark look]  
  
ANGEL: Right. Let's go. [They both leave, all swishing coats and slow motion worthy walking]  
  
LORNE: Hm, very epic if not corny. Coffee, anyone?  
  
Outside  
  
[Angel and Buffy walk side to side, allegedly to Wolfram and Hart. A lot of awkward silence and sneaky glances, before Buffy speaks up, and we're all like 'finally!']  
  
BUFFY: How's this musical going for you?  
  
ANGEL: [wry smile that he does when he's trying to smile but he get it wrong 'cause he's too broody] It's strange. I can sing in tune.  
  
BUFFY: You couldn't before?  
  
ANGEL: It was a disaster when I did, let's just say that.   
  
BUFFY: Did people leave the room?  
  
ANGEL: They left the country. [More silence, and then the familiar music wells up]  
  
ANGEL: [singing, Buffy apparently can't hear] She was the one  
  
She was second to none  
  
Such courage, such grace.  
  
In the midst of the fight  
  
She would light up the night.  
  
Sparkling eyes, lovely face.  
  
I loved her, this is true.  
  
The love we had, the love we knew.  
  
Plentiful kisses became too few...  
  
This is just hell.  
  
BUFFY: [now Angel can't hear] I'm in LA  
  
I have to say that I pay  
  
Too much for this pain.  
  
He's just there,  
  
In his lair with straight-up hair.  
  
I could go insane.  
  
He's almost criminally hot.  
  
The love I feel hurts me a lot.  
  
A past to forget, a past to blot...  
  
This is just hell.   
  
Wish I were back in Sunnydale...  
  
[Music picks up]  
  
BUFFY: We've fought.  
  
ANGEL: Debated.  
  
BUFFY: A relationship sedated.  
  
ANGEL: We met a pending ending that just crashed and burned.  
  
BUFFY: The dreams, the lusting.  
  
ANGEL: Sexual tension is combusting.  
  
BUFFY: We took the bending trend in making hearts and loins yearn.  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: We knew, it could never be.  
  
ANGEL: And yet still I couldn't see-  
  
BUFFY: I then rebounded off Riley.  
  
ANGEL: -If I was trapped or if I was free.  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: Some crappy tale to tell  
  
Oh dear God, this is just hell.  
  
BUFFY: When things got heated,  
  
He turned tail and retreated.  
  
Stupid curse confiscated  
  
Any way we could fuck. [Looks slightly shocked at the course language, then goes back to normal]  
  
ANGEL: Happiness could not be given  
  
Insanity is driven-  
  
BUFFY: Screw relations with the unlivin'.  
  
ANGEL: No loopholes? Just my luck.  
  
[Wacky trumpet kicks in and the music kicks up, Buffy starts dancing madly, the number being carried out into the, once again car-less street]  
  
BUFFY: [spoken] Look at me, I'm dancing like a prone-to-tragic-love-stories type vampire killer!   
  
[Angel gives her a 'you're insane' look, before joining in on the dancing. They continue as the rest of us laugh at this particular mental image of Ms. Tough Girl Slayer and Mr. Broody Souled Vampire carries out the Anya/Xander dance and a conversation]  
  
ANGEL: [spoken] Buffy, why am I dancing like this? I'm meant to be depressed.  
  
BUFFY: [spoken] Because you're a vampire who can't have sex without going into rabid sociopath mode. Hell, I can't keep a decent relationship. We have to cut loose some time. Plus I get the sneaking suspicion that the author's having a lot of fun in OOC'ing everyone. I mean, c'mon, a Gunn/Fred sex scene? About as likely to happen as us doing a little swirly jig on a traffic-less road in LA.  
  
ANGEL: [spoken] ... Good point.  
  
[With a few more twirls, the wild dancing finishes and they go back to singing]  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: Our fate -  
  
ANGEL: Is complicated.  
  
BUFFY: Is devastated.   
  
ANGEL: Out of all of the players,  
  
Joss made me go for the Slayer.  
  
Spin-off show was just too predictable.  
  
[Tiny bit more dancing, before the music slows down]  
  
BUFFY: Our love...  
  
ANGEL: Our craving...  
  
BUFFY: Not really worth the saving.  
  
ANGEL: Won't admit that I was slaving  
  
For her ever more.   
  
BUFFY: My past is teary,  
  
My sex-life iced and dreary.  
  
Should I try out a certain sneer-y  
  
Blonde that I'm meant to abhor?   
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: That's life,  
  
It can't be planned.  
  
I tried,  
  
To get the things I demand.  
  
ANGEL: Am I looking for my future told?  
  
BUFFY: Will I get a chance at growing old?  
  
ANGEL Could I get in one last fling,  
  
And get used to the evil thing?  
  
BUFFY: Maybe I could try and like,  
  
The idea of dating Spike?  
  
ANGEL: Be the bad guy?  
  
BUFFY: I could go gay...  
  
ANGEL: Though I know that I would pay.  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: I could really use a day  
  
To sort my life out well.  
  
Oh dear God this is just hell.  
  
I wanted heaven and then I got hell.  
  
ANGEL: I'll try and endure.  
  
BUFFY: [uncertain] I don't need a man.  
  
ANGEL: Who needs sex? It can't be that great.  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: This is just...[glance at each other]...hell. [They giggle with much uncertainty, before coughing and continuing on their way. Fade to black]  
  
So, what do y'all think? Please gimme suggestions and constructive criticism and praise and...yeah. Love you all! 


	2. Part Two

Hyperion hallway - one of the many  
  
[Giles, Willow and Tara are walking down a hallway, talking]  
  
WILLOW: What kind of a demon sends a lackey to go tell his enemy that 'hi, I've got your sister, come and get me' and then hightails it to LA?  
  
GILES: A demon that wants his enemy in LA.  
  
TARA: But why? What's in LA?   
  
WILLOW: Sunnydale, sure, Hellmouth-y and all, but LA is nothing but a big city full of-  
  
GILES: -all sorts of people that might want their hands/paws/tentacles on the Slayer.  
  
TARA: That's true. There has to be heaps. So how do we know where to go?  
  
GILES: We'll ask Angel when he returns, maybe that's where he's headed with Buffy. [The three stop at a door] This is Cordelia's room?  
  
WILLOW: I thought she had an apartment?  
  
GILES: Wesley mentioned something about her staying in the hotel once and a while. [He knocks] Cordelia? Wesley said that you may be- [He stops when he hears singing]  
  
CORDELIA (off scene): I've been having a bad, bad day.  
  
Slayer comes and takes my hero away.  
  
I wish that she would go!  
  
'Cuz my sex-life's awfully bare.  
  
The Curse thing is so threadbare.  
  
Worn to death, doesn't she care?  
  
Can't believe he doesn't know!  
  
I'd make a really great screw!  
  
Just ask Xander, he's had a few.  
  
I'm out of practice, this is true...  
  
[Giles, Willow and Tara share looks of horror and disgust]  
  
GILES: She'll be down, I'm sure.  
  
WILLOW: Don't want to interrupt her or anything...  
  
TARA: I'm just going to go down and check out a few books.  
  
GILES: We've checked all of the... [Trails off at the anxious looks the witches are giving him] Ah, yes, books. Let's leave. Quickly. [They power walk towards the stairs, glancing back worriedly at Cordelia's door]  
  
Hyperion  
  
[Gunn and Fred are both supposedly reading a book on magic spells at the couch, the book in Fred's lap, Gunn holding onto the spine. Or at least, that's what a normal person would assume, until they see Fred's squeak and giggle, and see Gunn's smirk of satisfaction. Wesley keeps glancing over with obvious annoyance, and then glaring at Xander and Anya who are doing something similar, Anya on his lap. The ex-Watcher can't ignore the way Xander's eyes keep glazing over if Anya wiggles a little bit, apparently to get more comfortable. Behind him, Tara and Willow hold hands, kissing when they think no one's looking. Wesley bristles a little more and tries to back to his work, when some other gasp, squeak, giggle or kiss sound interrupts the silence. Giles doesn't seem unsettled as he pours over a book, writing notes down occasionally. Cordelia tromps down the stairs, and Wesley locks his eyes on her rather mournfully, as she walks past to get a cup of coffee.]  
  
WESLEY: Hello.  
  
CORDELIA: Hey Wes. Is Angel and Buff back yet? [She takes a sip of coffee] Blech. [Heaps in about an average sized mountain of sugar]  
  
WESLEY: [bristles, returning to his book] No.  
  
CORDELIA: [looks at him] What's wrong?  
  
WESLEY: [gritted teeth] Nothing. Nothing at all.  
  
CORDELIA: [glances over to Fred and Gunn] Is it Fred?  
  
WESLEY: [glances up, unnerved] Not her, personally.  
  
CORDELIA: Fine, be cryptic. Just tell me when Angel gets back. [She starts to walk away, when frustrated, Wesley stands, tearing his glasses of his face in annoyance]  
  
WESLEY: [singing] I tried [Cordelia whirls around, surprised. Everyone else remains oblivious]  
  
So many years ago,  
  
To make a good impression,  
  
But it wasn't so.  
  
And where your male-preference lies,  
  
I think I finally know.  
  
Mm mm.  
  
[Walks around the desk, slowing coming towards her]  
  
WESLEY: I know,  
  
Exactly what you feel.  
  
It's like you can't tell the one you love,  
  
That they're not able to deal.  
  
And now this ache in my heart,  
  
It just seems way too real.  
  
It's great,  
  
I now know what to say.  
  
Too complicated for you,  
  
Angel's soul keeps him at bay.  
  
But I have just what you need,  
  
I know you want to play.  
  
[Rock music comes in, Cordelia looks at him with wide eyes, coffee mug still in hand.]  
  
So give up on the deceased.  
  
Give up on the deceased,  
  
Let me step inside.  
  
Let me take you on a journey  
  
That's one hell of a ride.  
  
If you want any chance to dance,  
  
Give me credit at least.  
  
And give up on the deceased.  
  
[Wesley takes her wrist rather roughly, leading her over to the counter, twirling her so her back's against it. She quickly puts the mug down, just as Wesley presses in on her. He places a hand not remotely subtly on her thigh, steadily but slowly moving up as he sings]  
  
WESLEY: We all know,  
  
Just what I crave.  
  
Wouldn't it be ironic,  
  
If I became your slave?  
  
With all this lust I could combust,  
  
I've some energy I saved.  
  
Give up on the deceased.  
  
[He backs away, turning and walking in the opposite direction. Slightly enchanted, Cordelia follows him]  
  
WESLEY: I know  
  
I should go.  
  
Because what chance I have  
  
Against Angel's pace?  
  
He may be abstinent,  
  
In chastity's embrace.  
  
But who really cares,  
  
If his heart can't race?  
  
You obviously don't,  
  
But there's still a trace  
  
Of one last hope...[whirls around to face her]  
  
Give up on the deceased,  
  
Let me step inside.  
  
Let me take you on a journey  
  
That's one hell of a ride.  
  
If you want any chance to dance,  
  
Give me credit at least.  
  
[Wes takes a run and goes down onto his knees, skidding and stopping at Cordelia's feet]  
  
WESLEY: And give up on the deceased.  
  
Why can't you give up on the deceased?  
  
[Music stops and Wesley and Cordelia are left staring at each other, Cordelia speechless, Wesley panting slightly from the song. He stands up]  
  
WESLEY: Ahem. [He walks past her to pick up his glasses he left on the counter. He doesn't look at her] Sorry about that. [He quickly picks up a few books including the one he was "reading" and heads to his office, shutting the door. Baffled, Cordelia starts slowly walking outside, obviously absent mindly wandering, lost in thought (unfamiliar territory?). We see Fred look up and follow her. ]  
  
FRED: Cordy?   
  
CORDELIA: Fred, hey.  
  
FRED: So, does it come as a surprise that Wesley's all hot and bothered over you?  
  
CORDELIA: [processes the OOC-ness and answers] How did you hear the song? No one else seemed to even hear it.  
  
FRED: Call it a woman's intuition, call it post-sex magick. [Cordelia blinks] What? I can grow, I have layers. But either way, I heard the song.  
  
CORDELIA: [gestures to nowhere in particular] This whole musical thing. It's so bazaar. Wesley serenading his love to me accompanied with uncharacteristically cool electric guitars and organs, Buffy and Co. coming here and messing things up, you and sex scenes...  
  
FRED: [uncertain] It is a little weird.  
  
CORDELIA: It's a lot weird! It's like you two took this whole musical thing as an excuse to get laid. [Fred frowns, just as Angel and Buffy arrive. Fred leaves] Any news?  
  
ANGEL: Dawn's not there, but neither is Lila. And why is it I very much would not be surprised if she were involved?   
  
BUFFY: Nice building. Kinda flashy though. It was fun watching Angel beat up the receptionist for information, whatever good that did us, no idea. They all knew who Angel was. [mumbles] They didn't know who *I* was though. Hello, Slayer-comma-The...   
  
ANGEL: I don't know what they'd want with Dawn though.  
  
CORDELIA: We'll figure it out.  
  
ANGEL: So, anything unusual happen?  
  
CORDELIA: [the proverbial deer-caught-in-head-lights look] Um...no?  
  
[Clueless, the Slayer and the vampire walk inside, Cordelia left to ponder about Wesley. She steps out onto the street, arms wrapped around herself.]  
  
CORDELIA: [singing] Could I have ever noticed?  
  
Had no idea how much he cared... [She shakes her head and starts to go back inside, when a puppet minion grabs her and she screams, ending the scene. Fade to black]  
  
Outside a warehouse-y type deal - well, it has broken, boarded-up windows, so....  
  
[We see Lila walks the path towards it, looking a little nervous, stiletto high heels clicking sharply. Twenty or so feet behind, we see Spike following her, walking alongside a demon we don't recognize. The demon's points at Lila and Spike hands over a couple of money notes, and the demon takes off. Spike speeds up, almost catching up. The 'Dawn's Ballet' music wells up, and he's just about to grab her when she spins around, having been used to being followed by Angel. They play a little bit cat and mouse for a bit out the front and down alleys, Lila trying to get away, all in time with the music, not too unlike the evil minions and Dawn. As the music picks up, Lila opens the doors and runs in. Spike follows and they do a quick little tap number, before Spike quickly sweeps her off her feet, spinning and not to gracefully placing her down...well, more like throwing her down. She trips and falls, looking pissed as only classy, evil lawyer bitch queens can when dignity leaves them bereft.]  
  
SPIKE: [singing] Why'd you run away?  
  
I hear it's not your...style. [She stands, looking wary]  
  
I haven't come to play.  
  
I don't mean to stay a while.  
  
I come to get what I came for.  
  
I don't have time to abide the law.  
  
Now you've been warned,  
  
You know you wanna make me smile.  
  
[They start to circle each other, Spike singing all the while]  
  
SPIKE: You're the victim, dear,  
  
And I'm here for you.  
  
I know Dawn is near,  
  
And I know that you know too.  
  
I got info from a demon bar.  
  
I have to say your vague allies go pretty far.  
  
Hand over Dawn  
  
Or you'll be dead real soon.  
  
[He starts advancing on her and she walks back]  
  
SPIKE: 'Cuz I know what you have planned.  
  
[She turns away, he puts an arm roughly around her waist and they walk backwards together]  
  
SPIKE: I know just what you have planned.  
  
LILA: [pushes him away] [spoken] So what, you're an agent of the Slayer?  
  
SPIKE: I'd like to admit,  
  
That you're dead wrong.  
  
It's not like I submit,  
  
Though Buffy does come on fairly strong.  
  
When you start to think about it  
  
You remind me of her, no doubt about it.  
  
She's strung me out and it's gone too long.  
  
[He sizes her up thoughtfully, walking behind her, a hand on her waist]  
  
SPIKE: You brought us down into this town.  
  
But before Joss ends this scene.  
  
Hand over the girl and I could rock your world.  
  
Yeah you could be my queen. [Makes her face him, putting a hand on the back of her neck, keeping the other on her waist. They sort of dance]  
  
I think I know how you feel, girl.  
  
LILA: Don't you see,  
  
You and me  
  
Would be very surreal.  
  
SPIKE: I will make it real, girl.  
  
LILA: Possibly-  
  
But it can't be,  
  
I'm evil, I can't feel.  
  
SPIKE: I've been evil for centuries and decades.  
  
I still fit in touching sexual escapades.  
  
LILA: I like the view,  
  
Of me and you.  
  
Could you make me scream for more?  
  
SPIKE: I could make you fall to your knees,  
  
Make heaven crumble and hell freeze.  
  
LILA: I'll be pissed,  
  
If I missed  
  
All this [spoken] she's on the top floor.  
  
[Spike let's her go, and gestures 'tell me more']  
  
LILA: I'm not working with Wolfram and Hart for this. But there's a huge bounty on the Slayer, and I want a slice of it. But...forget it now. Take her sister back. [They glance up when they hear many footsteps on the floor above them]  
  
SPIKE: [spoken] I'll be back with friends, count on that. I'll try to stop 'em from killing you. [He smirks at her panicked look and his eyes narrow as puppet minions come rushing down the falling apart stairs] See you soon, luv. [singing] Now we're partying and that's what it's all about. [He runs out, door slamming shut behind him. Fade to black]  
  
Da-da! How was that? 


	3. Part Three Final

A/N: Woohoo! Thanx for the reviews! *dances happily* I'm just glad people read it, even if they don't like it or if they do. Better if they do, o' course, but still...teehee. me happy. Anyway, here's the final part. Have fun!  
  
Hyperion basement  
  
[Angel and Buffy are taking down a couple of swords from the weapons cabinet in the basement, and Buffy starts tying her hair back]  
  
BUFFY: So, do you think that this Lila lawyer person has something to do with it, even if Wolfram and Hart doesn't?  
  
ANGEL: Who wouldn't want the Slayer? We just gotta figure out where she's keeping Dawn. Ready to spar? [Buffy smiles a little weakly, and they get into a fighting fencing type stance. Their training fight goes into slow motion, and when Buffy starts to sing, Angel is oblivious]  
  
BUFFY: [singing] I wasn't ready for you to leave.  
  
I kept pretending not to grieve.  
  
Fighting back the tears, trying to believe  
  
That I...  
  
In your arms I felt most at home.  
  
Thought I was ready to go alone.  
  
Twinkling songs turned into backward drones.  
  
But I...  
  
I thought I could be my own girl,  
  
Make it in this land.  
  
Thought I could survive this harsh world,  
  
Even without a man.  
  
Thought I could be a Slayer.  
  
But now I understand,  
  
Can't do it without a lay.  
  
[They continue to fight, moves getting a little more desperate, but still in slow mo]  
  
BUFFY: Frantic groping, knowing when to strike.  
  
Writhing wildly, with someone I like.  
  
If you can't be there, then all I have is Spike.  
  
And I...  
  
I thought that I could be independent,  
  
Face this world alone.  
  
Thought I didn't need a boyfriend,  
  
I thought I could be strong.  
  
Thought I could be a Slayer.  
  
Didn't know that all along,  
  
I can't do it without a lay.  
  
Yeah, I can't do this without a lay.  
  
[The fight goes back into normal motions, and Buffy's sword goes flying thanks to a swift move by Angel]  
  
ANGEL: Did you say something?  
  
Hyperion foyer  
  
[Fred sits at a chair, looking at Gunn curiously as he heads over to Angel, the two start talking, both and everyone else oblivious to singing]  
  
FRED: [singing] I'm under your thrall.  
  
It could never be,  
  
That I would be such a hussy.  
  
It's not like me at all...  
  
Are you possibly  
  
Taking advantage of me?  
  
You made me believe...  
  
BUFFY: [stepping into the foyer, looking at Angel] Believe I wanna go astray.  
  
BUFFY & FRED: And it grieves that I have to say  
  
I don't need a lay.  
  
BUFFY: I thought I could be my own girl  
  
FRED: Thought I could try  
  
BUFFY: Make it in this land.  
  
Thought I could survive this harsh world  
  
FRED: To find some peace of mind  
  
Gave it all I had inside  
  
Thought I could confide in you  
  
BUFFY: Even without a man.  
  
FRED: I tried it out but I see...  
  
BUFFY & FRED: I don't need a lay.  
  
Don't need a lay.  
  
Don't need a lay.  
  
Don't need a...lay.  
  
[The doors slam open and Spike walks in, looking very pleased with himself]  
  
SPIKE: Found her. Some lawyer named Lila's got Dawn in a warehouse east of town. The bird's probably working for the demon bloke. Or vice versa.  
  
ANGEL: I knew it was her.  
  
[Wesley walks out of his office]  
  
WESLEY: And what do they want?  
  
SPIKE: The Slayer. [He walks over to Buffy] Told you I'd find her.  
  
XANDER: So we go, swords and machetes blazing. Fire upon with mortars, and whatever the saying is...Y'know, we really need bazookas, or a few hand guns, or something, 'cuz they'd be a hell of a lot more effective than-   
  
WESLEY: Has anyone seen Cordelia?  
  
[Fade to black]  
  
Warehouse  
  
[Lila walks through a door and into the top floor of the warehouse, looking slightly shaken. Behind her we briefly see the stairs that lead up to it. We see Sweet sitting on an armchair lazily, Dawn bound and gagged on the floor, looking scared.]  
  
SWEET: What was all that?  
  
LILA: An ally of the Slayer. He'll get the message to her.   
  
SWEET: Excellent. But see if my men don't find her first.  
  
LILA: If they survive. But once the Slayer finds out where her sister is, she'll be here soon. I know her kind: big hero complex. I work against one every night.   
  
SWEET: Angelus.  
  
LILA: The Slayer's ex. Think he'll be here?  
  
[The doors from the stairway open, and a puppet minion walks in, dragging a kicking and screaming Cordelia along with him]  
  
MINION: I have the Slayer.  
  
CORDELIA: Let go of me, Pinocchio, or I'll see you don't turn into a real boy. Ever.  
  
SWEET: It's not her. I've seen her. Petite blonde thing, cute lil' mouth.  
  
LILA: I know this one. She works for Angel.  
  
CORDELIA: [notices Lila as she struggles with the minion] You. You're so gonna get your ass kicked when Angel gets here.  
  
SWEET: [to Lila] To answer your question, I think he'll be here.  
  
LILA: Two birds with one stone, eh? [Minions start trying Cordelia up, and Dawn starts straining at her ropes] It's all going according to plan. [She and Sweet carry out an evil laugh - Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha type thing...]  
  
Hyperion  
  
ANGEL: She was outside last I saw. [He looks at Spike]  
  
SPIKE: Didn't see her.  
  
WESLEY: They have her.  
  
XANDER: Okay, let's lock and load. Mortars aplenty and-  
  
BUFFY: No.  
  
ALL: No?  
  
BUFFY: [to the Angel crew] It was stupid for me to come to you guys. This is my battle. My sister. I need to do this alone. I need to…be alone.  
  
ANGEL: It's not just your fight. Lila's my enemy, for one thing. Cordelia's my employee and friend for another. It's my fight also. I'll go with you.  
  
WESLEY: I care for Cordelia too.  
  
WILLOW: I love Dawn, I can't just do nothing. Buffy, think about this-  
  
BUFFY: No.   
  
SPIKE: I'll come with you, I know where the warehouse- [Buffy hands him a pen and pad] -is.  
  
BUFFY: Write down the address, I'll get there myself. [Spike looks at her sullenly before doing so, tearing off the piece of paper and handing it over]   
  
ANGEL: This is stupid. I'm not going to let you-  
  
BUFFY: My mission.  
  
ANGEL: My town.  
  
SPIKE: [to himself] My crush.  
  
BUFFY: What?  
  
SPIKE: Nothing.  
  
BUFFY: I'm going alone. I have to get used to that. I'll be back with Cordelia and my sister. [She looks at Angel with much meaning] Trust me. [She starts towards the doors and stops where Giles is]  
  
GILES: Good luck. [They exchange small, bitter smiles before Buffy leaves]  
  
ANYA: She's so gonna die.   
  
XANDER: Ahn...  
  
SPIKE: Fuck this. I'll get there faster than she will.   
  
[He starts to leave, but Angel blocks him]   
  
SPIKE: Now what?  
  
ANGEL: She wants to go alone, let her.   
  
[Spike glares at him, but makes no other move towards the door. It's obvious he wants to get to Lila before Buffy does. Wesley walks over to the weapons cabinet and grabs a broadsword]  
  
WESLEY: Angel? You're not coming?  
  
ANGEL: If Buffy wants to go alone, fine. No wait, Wes-  
  
[Wesley sighs and leaves, Gunn and Fred glancing at each other, unsure]  
  
WILLOW: I'll cast a locator spell and anyone else can-  
  
TARA: No! No magick. [The two witches exchange glances of confusion and sternliness]  
  
XANDER: I say we follow her anyway.  
  
GILES: No, this is obviously something she has to do on her own.  
  
ANYA: Fine, we'll come later and play clean up crew. It's always been the same - follow the Slayer and help her defeat the baddy, or wait and perhaps risk the chance to scrape said Slayer off the walls, floors, ceilings and windows.   
  
FRED: Actually, technically, she bursts into flames, not explode.  
  
ANYA: Oh, well...that's practical of her.  
  
TARA: I hope she's okay.  
  
FRED: What if Wes doesn't make it?  
  
Warehouse  
  
[Cordelia is kneeling the floor, leaning against the wall, looking distraught. Unlike Dawn, she isn't gagged]  
  
CORDELIA: I felt desire and I let it go.  
  
Too scared of warmth, too scared of shame.  
  
Go with undead or human warmth instead?  
  
Can't it be all the same?  
  
Now on the streets I call to them.  
  
To cut these binds and save the day.  
  
There's no more screams, saved by one of two extremes.  
  
To lay or not to lay?  
  
And I don't want this desire.  
  
I never really did before.  
  
So take away this desire.  
  
Or give me...  
  
[Cut to dark street, Wesley walking alone, swinging the ax]  
  
WESLEY: This love I bear is killing me.  
  
Wish it would go but it remains.  
  
No compromise, a love that I despise.  
  
It's driving me insane.  
  
BUFFY: [on some other street] And I don't want this desire.  
  
It's getting to be such a chore.  
  
BUFFY & WESLEY: So take away this desire.  
  
Or give me-  
  
[Cut to Hyperion]  
  
SPIKE: Has my past come pack to haunt me?  
  
Does this so-called "bitch queen" want me?  
  
Should I go away and just leave her behind?  
  
XANDER: [looking at Anya] Will this marriage make or break me?  
  
WILLOW: Should I let dark magick take me?  
  
GILES: This isn't the retirement I had in mind.  
  
HYPERION GROUP: We'll see it through  
  
While singing loud and singing true  
  
That we don't want this desire. [They start to leave for the warehouse]  
  
ANGEL: So slowly she turns from me.  
  
My soul plight keeps her away.   
  
FRED: [background] What won't they do...  
  
ANGEL: Wish it would go, it just ruins this show.  
  
FRED: [background] ...if they are paid?  
  
ANGEL: Can't I get in one quick lay? [Everyone around him looks at him strangely] [spoken] Heheh.  
  
LILA: [background] So once again he'll come for me.  
  
FRED: It's so strange my celibacy's lost.  
  
ANYA: How much did this twinkling ring cost?  
  
LILA: [background] Luring me in with lewd attraction.  
  
SPIKE: My love life's getting too complicated.  
  
ANGEL: [background] Going through the motions...  
  
Fighting man to man...  
  
LILA: [background] Angel's a dish, but he's not my foremost wish.  
  
CORDELIA: Single life is my satire.  
  
WESLEY: Silken sheets, loins on fire...[spoken] Gah...  
  
LILA: [background] Hot blondes are so in fashion.  
  
TARA: Can't we sing something that not sex-related?  
  
ALL: [mumbled apologies]  
  
LILA: [background] Could love...  
  
WESLEY: These lustful ways  
  
Are sending me into a daze.  
  
LILA: [background] ...set me free?  
  
ALL: And we don't want this desire.  
  
Taking back what we came for.  
  
So take away this desire.  
  
Or give us-  
  
More.  
  
Give us more.  
  
Give us more.  
  
Give us more.  
  
[Buffy and Wesley look at each other as they meet at the stairs. Together, they kick open the door, and they see Lila and Sweet standing over the bound and gagged Dawn and bound Cordelia]  
  
SWEET & LILA: Show time.  
  
[Fade to black]  
  
SWEET: We meet again, Slayer.  
  
BUFFY: Hm, maybe you won't run away this time. It gets so dull.  
  
WESLEY: Unhand them. You have what you wanted.  
  
BUFFY: Do I get a say in that?  
  
LILA: Let's just wait for Angel, shall we? [to Buffy] Who's that nice blonde man that works for you? Met him briefly, didn't catch his name. A vampire, right?  
  
BUFFY: Nice? Anything but. Vampire? Yeah. Why would you want his name?  
  
LILA: [muttering] Something to scream while he gives me everything he's g-  
  
BUFFY: What?  
  
LILA: Nothing.   
  
CORDELIA: Are you guys going to kick their asses already?   
  
BUFFY: Cordelia, shut up. I'm getting there. [She eyes the puppet minions slowly surrounding the room]   
  
WESLEY: You wanted the Slayer, she's here, now let them go! [Brandishes the sword for effect]   
  
LILA: I want more than the Slayer.  
  
WESLEY: Angel as well? Be satisfied with what you have now, Lila.  
  
LILA: How can I ever be satisfied?  
  
[She steps forward as the music comes on]  
  
LILA: Life's a bitch.  
  
It rains down on you hard.  
  
It rips away your heart. [Takes off her suit-coat and undoes her top button of her blouse]  
  
[Looks at the camera] It's been gone from the start.  
  
It won't do  
  
If something comes out wrong.  
  
You pay so much for these songs  
  
That go on far too long. [Dances as she sings:]  
  
Where there's life  
  
There's death.  
  
Leaves you alone  
  
Bereft.  
  
Until there's no-  
  
Thing left.  
  
That's what  
  
I get.  
  
Sacrifice  
  
Your life-  
  
[Stops the dance, and paces as she sings the slower paced part. Everyone arrives, filing in behind Buffy and Wesley]  
  
LILA: For someone you work for.  
  
That makes you feel like a money whore.  
  
Don't give me life.  
  
Don't give me life.  
  
[Tara and Buffy walk forward, singing the background vocals]  
  
LILA: Give me something worth living for.  
  
I need something worth living for.  
  
[The three dance madly, Spike walking forward a little so he stands in front of the crowd of spectators, watching Lila closely]  
  
LILA: Life's a drag,  
  
It's a fact we can't ignore.  
  
Breathing becomes a chore  
  
When you fight against the law.  
  
I haven't slept with a decent man for ages.  
  
It's a book bereft of pages.  
  
A priority drowned in wages.  
  
[Starts dancing again, Tara and Buffy melting back into the crowd]  
  
LILA: When you're rich  
  
You slight  
  
Little things:  
  
Like life.  
  
When things feel  
  
So right.  
  
To keep them  
  
You gotta fight  
  
This darkness  
  
With light.  
  
[She walks away from the group to stand next to the demon, running her fingers through her hair in frustration]  
  
LILA: I'm just a pent-up whore.  
  
Clawing for twisted lust more and more.  
  
Don't get me wrong.  
  
This is a fucked up song.  
  
[She turns to Spike, tentatively walking up to him, stopping a few feet away]  
  
LILA: You said you know  
  
Just how I feel...  
  
Is it that real?  
  
I hate this.  
  
Where can I go?  
  
Am I a tart  
  
For Wolfram and Hart?  
  
I hate this.  
  
Need to know what my fate is.  
  
[Looks at him rather pleadingly]  
  
LILA: Give me something worth living for...  
  
Can you give me something?  
  
[Taking his silence as rejection, Lila turns away, dancing insanely. She twirls 'round and 'round really fast, out of control, until Spike finally processes what the lawyer had just said to him, he leaps forward - only to be blocked by someone else who grabs her arms just as smoke starts emitting from her, flames singeing her expensive shoes. Strangely enough, it's Wesley]  
  
WESLEY: Life's not a bitch.  
  
Life's not so bad,  
  
It's a game to be had.  
  
Try and love it.  
  
Your feelings are true.  
  
I know how you feel,  
  
It hurts but it's real.  
  
Try and love it.  
  
You'll never get above it.  
  
If you try and shove it.  
  
[They share a meaningful stare, and we can tell that the two characters have connected in a way they've never done before in their lives. But they're interest lies elsewhere, something that Spike's isn't sure of. We see him glaring at Wesley in jealousy, which lightens slightly as Wesley walks away from Lila to untie Cordelia and Dawn. Dawn runs over to Buffy, and they hug. Cordelia and Wesley glance at each other awkwardly. The silence is broken as Sweet claps]  
  
SWEET: Now that was a show stopping number.   
  
ANGEL: Get out of here.   
  
SWEET: Sure thing.  
  
CORDELIA: What?  
  
BUFFY: That's it? Put on a show and walk out?  
  
SWEET: Well, I was gonna take your lil' sister down to hell with me, but let's face it, she *is* underage. And I'm guessing Lila's not so interested in the Slayer and the souled vamp anymore? [He looks at the lawyer, who glances at him over her shoulder]  
  
LILA: [bitter] Go. I don't care anymore.   
  
SWEET: Then I'll just be on my merry way.   
  
[singing] What lot of fun.  
  
We're glad the words could...rhyme. [Author smiles with too much graciousness]  
  
And there's not a one,  
  
You can't say that wasn't worth a dime.  
  
All those songs pent up inside your heartstrings.  
  
Show a little lechery - with a dash of feelings.  
  
Now I've gotta run, so see you all next time!  
  
[He turns into a little ball of red light and zooms out the nearest window. The surrounding puppet minions dissipate. Silence fills the warehouse, until Fred sings]  
  
FRED: [singing] Why hold lust so dear?  
  
ANGEL & BUFFY: Why hold lust so dear?  
  
WESLEY: The battle's done  
  
And a new one's begun.  
  
WESLEY & CORDELIA: It's this time round we fear.  
  
So why hold lust so dear?  
  
LILA: I'll just forget my career.  
  
SPIKE: You've nothing to lose my dear. [They look at each other with a little more confidence, drawing closer and closer]  
  
ALL (BUT SPIKE & LILA): Handcuffs and whips  
  
Replace witty quips.  
  
What a dreary end of year.  
  
Why hold lust so dear?  
  
[Spike and Lila start making out, hands groping and all that, and everyone looks on with envy disguised as pity and disgust]  
  
ALL: Look at the way they sear.  
  
All we can do is leer. [Spike and Lila give them looks of 'whatever' and leave the building]  
  
A burning kiss  
  
Isn't something to miss...?  
  
Who are we kidding? The end is near.  
  
Why shouldn't we hold lust dear?  
  
[Anya leaps into Xander's arms and they make out. Tara and Willow smile shyly at each other, before becoming un-shy. Wesley leaves without looking at anyone, leaving Cordelia looking awkward. Angel and Buffy look at each other mournfully, and Giles just looks depressed. Fred looks at Gunn, conflicted, before her eyes widen.]  
  
FRED: Now it is all so clear.  
  
Sex isn't something to fear.  
  
Gyrating hips  
  
And lukewarm lips...  
  
NC-17 fans give a cheer!  
  
I hold lust so dear.  
  
[She leaps at Gunn, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him deeply. Being the very strong tall guy he is, Gunn doesn't waver, but he wraps his arms around her and kisses back. Cordelia runs out. Tentatively, Angel and Buffy hold hands, looking at each other as they sing. Xander, Anya and Willow, Tara breaks up the kissing for a moment to sing as well. As they sing, we get a shot of outside, of Cordelia running out towards Wesley]  
  
GROUP: Holding lust so dear.  
  
Holding lust so dear.  
  
Holding lust...so dear.  
  
Outside  
  
[Wesley, still holding his sword, walks away from the warehouse. We see Cordelia stop a few feet behind him, looking anxious.]  
  
CORDELIA: Wes!  
  
WESLEY: [turning around] You don't have to say anything. Just forget me. You should...you should get back in there with Angel.  
  
CORDELIA: I don't want to.  
  
WESLEY: [he sighs with frustration] Beep me when you find out what you do want, because I really can't-  
  
CORDELIA: [singing] I felt desire and a let it go...  
  
WESLEY: [a little surprised] I tried...  
  
CORDELIA: ...too scared of warmth, too scared of shame.  
  
WESLEY: ...so many years ago.  
  
CORDELIA: Wicked ways, and now I want to play...  
  
WESLEY: I know you want to play...  
  
[They kiss, and the cast sings off scene]  
  
ALL: We hold lust so dear!  
  
[The end]  
  
Phew, finished. R+R! 


End file.
